Twitter thinks it knows why Jeff Bezos stepped down as Amazon CEO
By now, you’ve probably read all the headlines and maybe even a few news stories about Jeff Bezos stepping down from his throne as CEO of Amazon to serve as its executive chairman instead.
Bezos released a letter explaining the move that I retained absolutely none of — mostly because I got bored halfway through. In it, he mentions that as executive chair, he’ll “stay engaged in important Amazon initiatives” and intends “to focus [his] energies and attention on new products and early initiatives.”
Of course, he left out the only tidbit of information I was interested in; the reason I read the letter to begin with: an explanation as to why he decided to make the switch.
But have no fear because that’s what social media is for: spewing absolute nonsense in 280 characters or less with no repercussions (for the most part).
The minute Bezos dropped the news, people on Twitter immediately made their baseless conspiracy theories known.
About to have startup and investor Twitter flood the tl about why Jeff bezos stepped down and what it means for the economy. Smh
— kofo (@yoruba_dev) February 2, 2021
And while we don’t have a final answer as to why Bezos made the move, we do have some pretty insane (okay, mostly silly) theories to fall back on in the meantime.
According to these tweets, Jeff Bezos is either off to become a superhero, or a super villain, or … both? Paging DC Extended Universe.
Jeff Bezos has stepped down as Amazon CEO in order to fight Superman full-time.
— MT (@MasterTainment) February 2, 2021
Believable because Bezos was probably bullied in high school (same, Jeff, same).
Jeff Bezos stepped down because I told him I was going to give him the worst wet willy of his LIFE if he didn’t
— Full Name: It Is Keyes (@ItsKeyes) February 2, 2021
I’m 100 percent sure Lizzo would like to be excluded from this narrative.
Um?! Humans? I think Armie Hammer would like an invite.
Jeff Bezos has stepped down as the CEO of Amazon to pursue his greatest passion: hunting the most dangerous game from a helicopter.
— Mx. Maxwell Ⓐ Bottom 1% of Bandcamp (@MxMaxwellmusic) February 2, 2021
I hope he remembers to Amazon Prime some Scooby snacks.
Jeff Bezos has stepped down from Amazon to pursue his true passion: Haunting an abandoned amusement park being investigated by stoners and their talking dog.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 2, 2021
Does this mean Prime delivery drivers can stop carrying around empty Poland Spring bottles?
I heard Jeff Bezos stepped down from Amazon because we had faster shipping then him🥱
— RIDDIM CLOTHING⚔️ (@riddim_clothing) February 2, 2021
I would also step down as CEO if it meant I got to roll around and maybe dive into my billions like some bald-headed Scrooge McDuck.
Jeff bezos stepped down as ceo of Amazon and is taking the role of executive chair . He’s pulling a Gates move 😂 he just wants to sit and get rich . pic.twitter.com/iDUSJkGH9U
— April 28th ♉️ (@xsoraven) February 2, 2021
An “MGM stonks movie” starring Jeff Bezos sounds very on brand for 2021. It better be included with Prime Video.
Jeff Bezos has stepped down from Amazon to star in MGM’s stonks movie
— Chris Murphy (@christress) February 2, 2021
Aaand … this seems like a good one to end on. (Hello, Amazon Prime!)
Jeff Bezos has stepped down from Amazon to focus on world domination.
— david (@_Davvex) February 2, 2021
Jeff, if you’re reading this: Feel free to reach out to me to confirm or deny any of these theories. Until then, I’m going to keep thinking ’bout how you left out my girl MacKenzie in your bye-bye note.
Published at Wed, 03 Feb 2021 02:02:59 +0000